“You’re looking very lovely tonight.” I look up from my drink and see him eyeing the big boobed blonde in the corner. Her laughter is like an ice bucket over my warm and fuzzy feelings, but I understand his ogling, she’s really very pretty.
“Thanks.” His eyes flit back to me at my unenthusiastic response, but I hide my emotions by gulping my drink down, the vodka burning its way down my throat. “Another?” I jiggle the ice cubes in my glass but he shakes his head and nods towards his almost untouched beer. As I leave for the bar I see him leaning back with the glass in his hand, his eyes on the blonde bombshell again.
“Vodka Lime, large, heavy on the vodka. Please.” The female bartender nods and I lean against the bar, surveying the people talking and drinking in the dim light. This was a big mistake, a disaster even, but Daniel had insisted we go on a date tonight. His reason being we hadn’t been on one in ages, work kept us far too busy and this was our first free weekend in months. Apparently falling asleep to Netflix didn’t count as “quality time”. I watch him watching her, she tosses her hair in that “I’m not looking over my shoulder” way women do and I can’t bear to see him smiling at her. Why haven’t we let go already?
“Here you go.” Oh, wow, that’s a deep voice for a woman… Green eyes. Impossibly green eyes. And a crooked smile to match. “You ordered a Vodka Lime right?” The demigod offers a slight nod towards the female bartender, who’s serving beer to a group of five guys at the other end of the bar. I know I ought to say something, anything, but I can’t remember how to form sentences. I nod and pay for my drink. Then I don’t move from my spot. The drink is cold in my hand, I hear the faint ‘tink’ of ice cubes cracking and feel the thumping of the bass growing louder. Soon all I can hear is the music and the noise of people trying to talk over it. A woman is laughing behind me and I can’t stop myself from turning my head.
Her hand is on Daniel’s arm and by the way his brow is furrowed I can tell he’s flexing but not trying to be too obvious about it. She must have poured herself into that dress, and those heels, I could never take one step in those heels and not fall flat on my face. Again it hits me how well I understand his staring, she’s gorgeous, and obviously very funny because I haven’t seen him laugh like that in ages. Ever. Never with me.
I try to remember why we got together, when we became more than someone we knew from someone else. It had never been romantic, none of us were skilled enough liars to pull off roses and candle lit dinners without saying something sarcastic that would ruin the whole thing. We had been set up for a blind date by my friend Lucy and her now husband Alan, this was two years ago. Alan and Lucy had just taken their relationship to the next level, calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend and looking at ridiculously expensive apartments together. After realizing we didn’t hate each other’s company and that there wasn’t anyone else to choose from at the moment Daniel suggested we start dating for real. And here we are two years later, not hating each other but never falling in love either.
I watch my hand pull my phone from out of my jeans pocket and text him:
Just go for it and take her home with you,
we both know this isn’t going anywhere.
I’m getting a cab.
Call me in a day or two and we’ll talk.
I turn towards them, trying to not look too obvious, and see him reading my message. He just sits there for a second or two. Then she speaks to him and he rouses himself and smiles at her, I watch her point towards her friends and they get up to join them. To think it was that easy, I told him the truth and he accepted it. As I sip my drink I try to figure out how I feel. Am I sad? Angry? Crushed? Happy? I don’t regret it, but I’m glad we’re through.
We weren’t in love, so I’m not heartbroken. We treated each other with respect, mostly, so I’ve no unfinished business with him. None of us wanted to be alone, but we were too comfortable with living the lie to actually go for someone who could bring passion into a relationship. With a sigh I drain my vodka and near slam the glass down on the bar. Enough.
“Another?” The emerald eyed demigod holds my now empty glass and shakes it slightly, making the half melted ice cubes slosh about. I get a flashback to me doing that same motion towards Daniel. Is he mocking me? Did he see me do it previously? Is this a thing? Is he trying to tell me something? The vodka is making my head spin a little.
“No.” It comes out way too bruskly, instead I arrange my face into a smile. “No thank you. I’m going home.”
“Want me to call you a cab?” I open my mouth to decline the offer, but he’s so gorgeous and seems concerned about my wellbeing, so I smile and nod. His smile makes my heart pound in my chest and I feel my mouth going dry.
He disappears with my glass and when he returns he places a bottle of water on the bar in front of me. “They said they’d have a cab here within 20 minutes.”
“Thanks.” I get my card out to pay, but he waves it away.
“On the house.” I want to thank him, but a customer yells for beer and before I know what to say he’s at the other end of the bar pouring beer and talking to patrons. I crack open my water bottle and down half. There are a lot of people here and most of them seem to be pressing up against the bar or nearly jostling me off the bar stool and I decide I’d better move.
It takes everything I’ve got to not look over to where Daniel and the blonde are sitting, or were sitting a few moments ago. I have to show him that I’m okay with this, that this is the best. For both of us. Nevermind my heart and it’s willingness to cry over what I lost. My brain tells me over and over again that I don’t love him, I never have, but my heart mourns the loss of the two of us.
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